SYNERGISTIC

Written by Jafei Pollitt

BOSS

COOPER - frat boy energy

NANCY - anxious

BILL - loves drama

CARL - frat boy energy

STACY - sensible

MIKE - lumberjack

JACKET


INT. BOARD ROOM - DAY


COOPER, NANCY, BILL, CARL, and STACY are seated at a long, oval table in the board room. CARL and COOPER are silently laughing with each other over something on their phone. STACY is picking at her gum. NANCY is trying to not cry. BILL is watching NANCY try to not cry and getting annoyed. He just wants some god damn drama in this office.


BOSS enters through a glass door. Everyone comes to attention.


BOSS

Okay

(closing door)

Hello everyone! Thank you for making it to today's meeting.


NANCY

Are you firing one of us?


BOSS

No, Nancy. I wouldn’t just round you all up and then pick you off in front of each other.


BILL

But you could.


BOSS

Okay, good start. Can everyone open up their notes? I’d like to get this week's agenda up and running so I can get to my next meeting.


STACY

With who?


BOSS

Not your concern.


BILL

Is it with a rival?


BOSS

So, let’s talk about this new commercial/slogan I need you guys to be working on.


STACY

I’ve already been working on it.


BOSS

Great! Thank you Stacy!


BILL

(mumbling)

Bitch.


STACY

Really?


COOPER

What slogan/commercial/slash? What is slash?


BOSS

We have a new product on the line. It’s a sweater that detects your body temperature and heats up or cools down to keep you comfortable.

NANCY

Does it hurt people?


BOSS

I don’t think so.


BILL

But it could.


BOSS

If it malfunctions, I guess.


COOPER

Cool. Fire jacket. Let’s burn!


CARL

BURN BURN BURN!


BOSS

Everybody, please calm down.


BILL notices drama and joins in.


BILL

BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN-


Everyone is silent while they watch BILL get way to into chanting.


BILL stops. He sits.


BOSS

Right.


CARL

Mr. boss?


BOSS

It’s Mr. Bell, you should know my name, Carl.


CARL

Oh, okay. Mr. Bell Boss? I have a slogan/commercial idea ready.


BOSS

Sure. Go ahead.


CARL

So, it just kind of came to me. What if we had somebody on a mountain in the sweater and they were standing up there and they were all cool looking and stuff and then they started shouting “BURN FREEZE BURN FREEZE BURN FREEZE” over and over again and then the commercial ended?


BOSS

Um. Wow. Wow, wow, wow.


NANCY

You’re going to fire one of us.


BOSS

(rubbing his eyes)

Maybe, Nancy. Just maybe.


NANCY

I knew it!


BILL

(to BOSS)

You bitch!


STACY

Can we get back on track?


BOSS

Yes, thank you, Stacy. I need four ideas from all of you by the end of the week. Work together, I don’t care. But please have four, GOOD ideas by Friday at 12:00pm.


COOPER

That doesn’t give us all week.


BOSS

Hm?


COOPER

That gives us like four days and a couple of hours.


BILL

That’s not a whole week. That’s not fair, you’re being unfair! I want HR!


CARL

Wow, Cooper - you’re like really smart.


COOPER

I know.


STACY groans. NANCY starts to cry.


NANCY

I can’t take it anymore! I quit!


NANCY storms out of the board room in tears and shambles.


BOSS

Nancy!


BILL

YES!


CARL

I also have an idea, Mr. Boss Bell.


BOSS

Carl, you already pitched. Let’s give it some time before you go aga-


CARL

So, what if instead of a person it’s a raccoon-like a really cute one and he has a little jacket on and he’s on top of a mountain and he’s really cool and stuff and, yeah, he’s an animal, but he can also talk and stuff and so he’s on the mountain and it’s cold so his jacket is hot and then it lights on fire and he starts shouting.


BOSS

Please -


CARL

BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN! And then he burns to death.


Long beat.


COOPER

That sounds awesome.


BOSS

New plan. Cooper, Carl, and Bill -


BILL

Ooooo, here we gooooooo.


BOSS

You’re all fired, effective immediately.


CARL and COOPER high five.


COOPER/CARL

SERVANTS!


BOSS

You will not be receiving severance pay. You’ve only worked here for a week.


BOSS

Stacy? You’re in charge. Give me something and I’ll raise your pay.


BILL

UNFAIR! HR!


BOSS

Okay, good meeting everybody. I look forward to never seeing most of you again.


BOSS packs up his gear and leaves. BILL, COOPER, and CARL all get up to go.


COOPER/CARL

Bye, Mr. Stacy. It was nice meeting you.


STACY

Ms.


BILL

Bye.


BILL flips off STACY before they all exit. STACY sits alone.


STACY

Okay, let’s do this.


STACY starts vigorously writing and planning. Slow fade out.


INT. ROOM - NIGHT


A large alien stands in the middle of a dark room.


ALIEN

BEEP BOOP I AM COLD


A jacket drops down from the sky. The ALIEN drools a disgusting, purple liquid. He tries to put the jacket over his eleven limbs.


The jacket somehow manages to get on the ALIEN. It begins to turn on.


JACKET

Your current temperature is -00000.0000000000000001 Degrees. Would you like me to warm you up?


ALIEN

Beep Poop okayyyyyyy


The JACKET begins to heat up. Steam starts rising from the alien. It screeches terribly.


ALIEN

BEEP BOOP BURN BEEP BOOP BURN!


The alien vanishes under the jacket into a brown, chunky liquid.


The screen goes black and the slogan appears.


“THE NEW PEACH JACKET. KEEP YOURSELF WARM AND KEEP YOURSELF COOL BUT BE CAREFUL BECAUSE BURN BURN BURN!”


Slow blackout to elevator music.


INT. BOARD ROOM - DAY.


STACY presses end on the projector that was displaying the alien commercial.


STACY

(excited)

So?


BOSS sits dumbfounded.


STACY

I took some artistic liberties, I know.


BOSS

Mmhm.


They sit in silence.


BOSS

This is what you came up with?


STACY

Yes!


BOSS scratches their chin and closes their eyes.


BOSS

(coming to)

Okay, new plan. Everybody's fired.


END