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INT. DOCTORS OFFICE - DAY Jeff (24) sits in a small cold room that has fluorescent lighting and smells like hand sanitizer and balsa wood. He sits on top of a table that has paper laid over it, he twiddles his thumbs as he waits for the doctor to enter the room. JEFF(V.O) It's just a routine physical, there's no need to be nervous. Even if it's been a year and you're worried that he's going to tell you that you developed a some sort of incurable disease in that time. Or maybe he'll tell you that you have gained weight, or worse, ask me if I'm sexually active. HE KNOWS DAMN WELL THAT I AM NOT. Stop. You're freaking yourself out. Remember what your therapist said, "No one is judging you, it is all in your head." Doctor Jefferson enters the room. DOCTOR JEFFERSON Hello Jeff, nice to see you again. Oh, I see you grew out a mustache. JEFF(V.O) Oh god, he hates it! Tell him it's a joke - a stupid goof! JEFF(CONT'D) It's a joke! The doctor looks confused. DOCTOR JEFFERSON Right? Well I like it, I think you should keep it. JEFF(V.O) Ew is he hitting on you? What a fucking creep. END.

T.Hansen  12.24.2020 HELLth HUMAN ONE  HELL ANGEL  HELL ANGEL   Welcome to hell.  HUMAN ONE  Wicked stupid to be here but I guess it is what it is. So, what’s the happs?  HELL ANGEL Well, you were a glutton in your past life. It says here in my records, you used to go to Wendy’s, get a double cheeseburger no pickles- HUMAN ONE  I hate pickles.  HELL ANGEL  Ugh, me too. And you’d get honey mustard cups- HUMAN ONE  Well, they have the best honey mustard.  HELL ANGEL  I like the honey mustard from Hardee’s, personally.  HUMAN ONE  Oh, that’s a great one too. I always forget about Hardee’s. There wasn’t a Hardee’s near where I rented.  HELL ANGEL  BUHmmer, then it says you would drive to Chickfila- HUMAN ONE Lousy company, I’m aware.  HELL ANGEL Yeah, we don’t even get behind that toxic shit. HUMAN ONE  I thought they stopped donating to those anti-LGBTQ organizations?  HELL ANGEL  They probably still do, you can hide donations to shady operations. It’s REAL easy. HA. Did you know that one of the NRA’s largest supporters is America’s Dad, Tom Hanks?  HUMAN ONE  NO SHIT?  HELL ANGEL  You can cover up anything. So, you’d drive to Chickfila and get a large fry, then you’d go to Portillo’s get a cheese cup and chocolate cake…?  HUMAN ONE  You dip the Portillo cheese in the Chilkfila fry. Save the cake for McLater. Fuckin’ delish.  HELL ANGEL  Speaking of “Mc,” you’d get two large McDonald’s Dr.Peppers. HUMAN ONE  I dunno what they are doing with their drinks over at MickeyD’s but uhhhhh,  HUMAN ONE & HELL ANGEL IT’S WORKIN! HELL ANGEL  Loved that shit when I was alive. Hate to be the bearer of bad news… but your hell is that now all of your food is gonna taste like grey goop.  HUMAN ONE Oh...well, that's upsetting. (Beat.) (Beat.) (Beat.) Speaking of "Goop," is Gweneth down here?  HELL ANGEL Oh, totes. Her punishment is that she just has to spend 24/7 with ordinary, run-of-the-mill, down-to-earth folks.  END OF PLAY.