PAYMENT

Written by Jafei Pollitt


CARL

WENDY

MANAGER

GOD=

INT. MCDONALDS - DAY


CARL stands behind a counter with a red cap on and a grim face. He picks at his nametag and then his nose.


WENDY enters. She is wearing a large hat and big sunglasses.


CARL

Hello, welcome to McDonald's. What can I get started for you today?


WENDY

A burger


CARL

Cheese, no cheese?


WENDY

No cheese.


CARL

All the toppings.


WENDY

(whispering)

Yes.


CARL

(looks up)

Uh, okay. That will be $4.34


WENDY

I’m not done.


CARL

Oh


WENDY

I’ll have fries too.


CARL

Okay.


They sit in silence.


WENDY

Okay, I’m done.


CARL

Okay. That will be $5.12.


WENDY pulls out her wallet and looks around. She pulls out a five-dollar bill but it’s made out of rubber and it’s a kids toy.


WENDY

And twelve cents, you said?


CARL

Yes, but this isn’t real -


WENDY

(whispering)

Shhhhhhhh! Yes, yes. I have that somewhere.


WENDY pulls out a Mr. Potato head and unhitches his backside.

Plastic change rolls around his insides. She pulls out two fake pennies and an oversized dime.


CARL

So I can’t take this.


WENDY

Do you know who I am? You most certainly can!


CARL

I don’t know who you are.


WENDY

(scoffs)

WELL! I’ll have you know I am

(whispers)

Mrs. McDonald. So, I think my money is good here.

CARL closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.


WENDY is off-put.


The employees look at him. Whispers of “oh my god” And “no way” bounce around.


Then CARL begins to slowly yell, almost as a hum at first, getting louder and louder until he is a siren wailing throughout the restaurant. Everybody watches him.


WENDY

EXCUSE ME! SIR!


CARL continues to yell.


WENDY slaps him across the face. He stops wailing and looks at WENDY in shock.


The employees react. “Not this time,” and “shoot” are heard.


WENDY steps back.


CARL

Oh?


WENDY

I would like some food, sir.


CARL turns around. WENDY is confused. CARL begins to slowly yell again.


WENDY

SIR! SIR! This is ridiculous! You can’t very well act like this in MY store!


Beat.


WENDY

Well, I NEVER!


WENDY storms out of the McDonalds. CARL stops wailing and turns around. Everyone begins a slow clap for him throughout the restaurant. It reverberates against the walls.


Roses are thrown at him. “Encore!” is shouted to him! He bows.


The manager stands in the back, tearing up.


MANAGER

By god, he did it.


CARL sprouts wings that look incredibly painful. Much like a man transforming into a wolf.


He laughs joyously and bursts upwards through the McDonalds ceiling.


He has crossed over to the other side.


CARL

FUCK THE CUSTOMER!


Tears stream down his face. He emerges onto a soft cloud. GOD sits before him. He is daunting and tall.


GOD

Hello, Carl.


CARL

Hello, God.


GOD

I’m glad you’re here today.


CARL

Me too.


GOD

Are you ready?


CARL

Yes.


GOD leads CARL through a golden gate. On the other side lies a million McDonalds employees wailing at the top of their lungs. CARL smiles. GOD pats him on the back.


GOD

Fuck the customer. Always.

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