Written by Jafei Pollitt
MS.POND - Horrible school counselor
SARAH - Student
INT. COUNSELORS OFFICE - DAY
MS. POND sits at her desk with a pen in her mouth and red glasses slowly falling off her little nose. She looks down at her notes, click-clacks on her little computer for a second, and then back to her notes. She scribbles something down, erases it, then writes it again in the same spot.
SARAH sits in the chair opposite her. She has her backpack in her lap like a shield and waiting for MS. POND.
MS. POND
Mmmhm.
SARAH leans forward in her chair.
SARAH
Yeah?
MS. POND
Welllllllll-
MS.POND erases what she wrote on her notes and then rewrites it again. This time with a curvy S or L, etc.
MS. POND
I just -
MS.POND erases the note and writes it again very slowly in block letters. She looks up at SARAH discreetly.
SARAH’s eyes narrow and she lets out a sigh.
SARAH
What are you doing?
MS. POND
Just researching. Finding out the best way to go about this.
SARAH
Are you going to do anything?
MS. POND
Mmmm, yes. Let me just -
MS. POND taps on her keyboard and watches the screen. She’s typing something along the lines of “aufieunwficuwndfefh weufgwiebfiybe-” into google search. Total key smashing.
SARAH
There’s got to be some sort of punishment for what happened.
MS. POND
Yes, yes. Of course. I’m just going through our database now.
SARAH
A teacher can’t call a student a frog face in the middle of an exam!
MS. POND
(Pouting)
No, no - of course not.
SARAH
So what do we do about it?
MS. POND
Welllllll-
MS.POND opens a filing cabinet and shifts through it aimlessly.
MS. POND
We could...
MS. POND licks her finger and picks up a pointless document from a file. She shakes her head.
MS. POND
Not this one, but....
She looks at SARAH secretly.
SARAH
Maybe we talk to the principle?
MS. POND
NO! I mean, no. No, he’s a bit too busy for anything like this.
SARAH
Can we suspend the teacher?
MS. POND
Who was it again?
SARAH
Mr. Dwyer
MS. POND goes back to her computer. She google searches Mr. Dwyer - images - and a bunch of random men pop up on her screen.
She peers into the pictures, bites her lip, tickles the cheek of one with her long nail, and giggles.
SARAH
Oh my god.
MS. POND
Excuse me?
SARAH
You’re not doing anything. This school is a mess!
MS. POND
I don’t think that’s a very positive outlook little miss Sarah.
SARAH
You know what? I’ll just suffer. I’ll just sit around for another year of hell while you continue to not do your jobs!
SARAH stands up and swings her backpack around.
MS. POND
Well now, let’s just take a breather. I’m sure there’s something we can do.
MS.POND pulls out a coupon book and rips out a coupon for ice cream and makeup. She hands it to SARAH.
MS. POND
There, a little something from us to you.
SARAH rolls her eyes into the back of her head. She starts to walk out.
MS. POND
Wait - one more thing little miss Sarah
MS.POND sits at her desk, easily pulls up Sarah’s school schedule on the computer, and pulls out a detention slip from the filing cabinet.
MS. POND
Looks like you missed fourth period to come and talk to me, and I love seeing you kiddos, but it’s not an excused absence so I’m going to have to give you this detention slip, a write up for your permanent record, and you now owe the school $48.00 In emotional damage fees. Okay, sweets?
MS.PONDS hands SARAH the sheet and pats her on the shoulder.
MS. POND
Oh, and take a lollipop!
MS.POND plops one of her desk lollipops on SARAH’s sheet and ushers her out the door while SARAH stares in shock.
END