COUNSELING


Written by Jafei Pollitt

MS. CLARK - Counselor

MARCUS. - Man

PORTIA. - Woman

INT. COUNSELORS OFFICE - DAY


MARCUS and PORTIA stand across from each other on stage with bow and arrows in their hands. Ms. Clark stands between them.


MS. CLARK

Remember, you’re trying to aim for the heads.


PORTIA

It’s hard when his is so small.


MARCUS

Good thing yours is nice and fat.


PORTIA

Hey!


MS. CLARK

That’s enough. Now on the count of three, I want you to take your best shot.


PORTIA

I’m gonna take your whole life, motherfucker.


MARCUS

Not before I tell your mother you had herpes before you met me.


PORTIA lets the arrow slide and it crashes into the wall behind MARCUS.

MARCUS looks back at her in shock.


MARCUS

Oh shit.


PORTIA

This was a bad idea.


MS. CLARK

Now, now-


MARCUS

I can’t believe you just tried to kill me.


PORTIA

I’m so sorry oh my god!


Beat.


MS. CLARK

Well, how do you feel now, Portia?


PORTIA

Um, relieved? Yeah, uh, I’m shaking.


MARCUS

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.


MARCUS puts his arrow down and paces back and forth.


MS. CLARK

I know my methods are unconventional, but I feel there has been a great pressure lifted off of the two of you. Am I reading that correctly?


PORTIA

I don’t

(big breath)

Yeah, yeah I don’t hate him so much anymore.


MS. CLARK

And Marcus? How are your emotions?


Beat. Marcus stops pacing and looks at Portia.


PORTIA

Well?


MARCUS

Fuck. No. I still hate her guts.


PORTIA

So fucking immature.


MS. CLARK

Let’s pull back on the negative words. Marcus, I’d like you to pick up the arrow and give it another shot.


PORTIA

Are you insane? He’ll kill me!


MARCUS

Wait, no - it’s fair. You almost killed me.


MS. CLARK

That’s true, Portia. We need to level the playing field so that your relationship can grow.


Pause.


PORTIA

You kill me and I’ll fucking kill you.


MARCUS

Just shut up and stand still.


MARCUS picks back up the arrow with shaking hands. He pulls back and tries to aim it at PORTIA.


MS. CLARK

On the count of three now. One-


MARCUS releases the arrow and it shoots right into Portia’s heart.


MARCUS

Oh my god.


MS. CLARK

Good shot Marcus!


PORTIA

Are. You. Kidding. Me?


MARCUS

Portia? Portia are you okay?


PORTIA

You shot me in the heart, what do you think asshat?


MARCUS

Oh god, Portia, I'm so sorry - I didn’t.


MS. CLARK

Let’s sit back down everybody and evaluate that exercise.


PORTIA

YOU SHOT ME IN THE HEART!


MS. CLARK

Let’s discuss the metaphor of the arrow into the heart, shall we?


PORTIA

I think I’ve got it all summed up. Marcus, you absolute jackdickfuckface. We’re done. I’m done.


PORTIA reaches for her purse. MARCUS watches in shock. PORTIA exits with blood seeping into her blouse.


MS. CLARK

I’m still going to have to charge you both for the full session.


END OF PLAY

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