Written by Jafei Pollitt
MS. CLARK - Counselor
MARCUS. - Man
PORTIA. - Woman
INT. COUNSELORS OFFICE - DAY
MARCUS and PORTIA stand across from each other on stage with bow and arrows in their hands. Ms. Clark stands between them.
MS. CLARK
Remember, you’re trying to aim for the heads.
PORTIA
It’s hard when his is so small.
MARCUS
Good thing yours is nice and fat.
PORTIA
Hey!
MS. CLARK
That’s enough. Now on the count of three, I want you to take your best shot.
PORTIA
I’m gonna take your whole life, motherfucker.
MARCUS
Not before I tell your mother you had herpes before you met me.
PORTIA lets the arrow slide and it crashes into the wall behind MARCUS.
MARCUS looks back at her in shock.
MARCUS
Oh shit.
PORTIA
This was a bad idea.
MS. CLARK
Now, now-
MARCUS
I can’t believe you just tried to kill me.
PORTIA
I’m so sorry oh my god!
Beat.
MS. CLARK
Well, how do you feel now, Portia?
PORTIA
Um, relieved? Yeah, uh, I’m shaking.
MARCUS
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
MARCUS puts his arrow down and paces back and forth.
MS. CLARK
I know my methods are unconventional, but I feel there has been a great pressure lifted off of the two of you. Am I reading that correctly?
PORTIA
I don’t
(big breath)
Yeah, yeah I don’t hate him so much anymore.
MS. CLARK
And Marcus? How are your emotions?
Beat. Marcus stops pacing and looks at Portia.
PORTIA
Well?
MARCUS
Fuck. No. I still hate her guts.
PORTIA
So fucking immature.
MS. CLARK
Let’s pull back on the negative words. Marcus, I’d like you to pick up the arrow and give it another shot.
PORTIA
Are you insane? He’ll kill me!
MARCUS
Wait, no - it’s fair. You almost killed me.
MS. CLARK
That’s true, Portia. We need to level the playing field so that your relationship can grow.
Pause.
PORTIA
You kill me and I’ll fucking kill you.
MARCUS
Just shut up and stand still.
MARCUS picks back up the arrow with shaking hands. He pulls back and tries to aim it at PORTIA.
MS. CLARK
On the count of three now. One-
MARCUS releases the arrow and it shoots right into Portia’s heart.
MARCUS
Oh my god.
MS. CLARK
Good shot Marcus!
PORTIA
Are. You. Kidding. Me?
MARCUS
Portia? Portia are you okay?
PORTIA
You shot me in the heart, what do you think asshat?
MARCUS
Oh god, Portia, I'm so sorry - I didn’t.
MS. CLARK
Let’s sit back down everybody and evaluate that exercise.
PORTIA
YOU SHOT ME IN THE HEART!
MS. CLARK
Let’s discuss the metaphor of the arrow into the heart, shall we?
PORTIA
I think I’ve got it all summed up. Marcus, you absolute jackdickfuckface. We’re done. I’m done.
PORTIA reaches for her purse. MARCUS watches in shock. PORTIA exits with blood seeping into her blouse.
MS. CLARK
I’m still going to have to charge you both for the full session.
END OF PLAY