Written by Jafei Pollitt
TONY - A skittish young man. Loves a good tie.
TIM - A man with a dream. With no boundaries.
Lights up on a warm, but run-down apartment. The kitchen table, SL, is scattered with empty La Croix cans. TIM slouches DSC on a green, plaid couch watching the T.V. while it glows on his face like a sickly sun. He holds a La Croix in his hand.
TIM lets out a loud, obnoxious burp and settles back into the couch. TONY emerges from the hallway SR.
Beat. We hear the murmur of a BLACK MIRROR episode playing.
TONY
Hey Tim?
TIM
What.
TONY
Stop the burping
TIM
Why?
TONY
Because I asked nicely.
TIM
You could barely hear it.
Beat. TONY walks over to the T.V. and shuts it off. He turns on the lights.
TIM
Oh, Jesus.
TONY
Don’t Jesus me. Why the hell can’t you respect me?
TIM
I DO RESPECT YOU.
TONY
No, if you respected me, you would stop burping.
TIM
There is no correlation between the two.
TONY
Look me in the eye.
TIM refuses to look TONY in the eye.
TONY
LOOK ME IN THE -
TIM
ALRIGHT! I AM!
TONY
You cannot respect me until you respect yourself.
TIM
I’m not your patient
TONY
And you cannot respect yourself until you stop with the La Croix.
TIM
Really?
TONY
Tim, look at you. Why? Why are you doing this to yourself?
TIM
Because they taste good.
TONY
Don’t bullshit me. They taste like sewage. What’s going on?
TIM
I like the taste.
Beat.
TIM (CONT'D)
You’re going to think I’m insane.
TONY
No, I won’t.
Beat. TIM eyes TONY. Tim sits up.
TIM
Alright... I -
TONY
Tell me.
TIM
It’s the only way I can cope with the loss of -
TONY
Of Diana.
TIM
Yeah. I don’t know. I just - I just I knew she loved them and I want to feel close to her again.
TONY
I'm sorry.
TIM
It's not your fault.
TONY
I didn't know you were going to bond with her before we ate her.
TIM
I know. It's okay -
Beat
TONY
Hey.
TIM
Hm.
TONY
What's say we go snag another one?
TIM
I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready.
TONY
Okay, okay, but what if we don't eat them?
TIM
Yeah?
TONY
Yeah, sure, why not. We'll keep them as a little pet or something.
TIM (smiling)
Okay. That sounds nice.
Lights go down on TIM and TONY on the couch.
END OF PLAY