Forum Posts

J.D. Santiago
Jan 27, 2021
In Your Short Plays
INT. DOCTORS OFFICE - DAY Jeff (24) sits in a small cold room that has fluorescent lighting and smells like hand sanitizer and balsa wood. He sits on top of a table that has paper laid over it, he twiddles his thumbs as he waits for the doctor to enter the room. JEFF(V.O) It's just a routine physical, there's no need to be nervous. Even if it's been a year and you're worried that he's going to tell you that you developed a some sort of incurable disease in that time. Or maybe he'll tell you that you have gained weight, or worse, ask me if I'm sexually active. HE KNOWS DAMN WELL THAT I AM NOT. Stop. You're freaking yourself out. Remember what your therapist said, "No one is judging you, it is all in your head." Doctor Jefferson enters the room. DOCTOR JEFFERSON Hello Jeff, nice to see you again. Oh, I see you grew out a mustache. JEFF(V.O) Oh god, he hates it! Tell him it's a joke - a stupid goof! JEFF(CONT'D) It's a joke! The doctor looks confused. DOCTOR JEFFERSON Right? Well I like it, I think you should keep it. JEFF(V.O) Ew is he hitting on you? What a fucking creep. END.
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J.D. Santiago
Sep 12, 2020
In Your Short Plays
JAY - 24, a bit of a flake when it comes to plans. AUSTIN - 24, Jay's friend. INT. JAY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT JAY sits on her hand me down couch and curls up to her favorite side, the left side. It already has a divot in it from the previous owner and is the most comfortable spot. She has a blanket, a cup of tea, and watches reruns of New Girl. Her phone rings. She looks at the phone, and see's it's AUSTIN. She dismisses the call. AUSTIN calls again, she answers. JAY Hey! I was just going to call you. What's up? AUSTIN Are we still hanging out tonight? JAY Oh shit. Austin, I'm sorry, that's why I was going to call you. I'm just not feeling well. So maybe, another time? AUSTIN Yeah sure, we can do another time. Maybe after this episode of New Girl? JAY sits up and looks around, confused. JAY How did you know I was watching New Girl? A knock at the door. Jay goes to answer the door, It's Austin. AUSTIN It was a lucky guess. JAY What are you doing here? AUSTIN You've been ditching me for the last 3 weeks. JAY I haven't been ditching you. I've just been busy. AUSTIN Busy, sick, tired. I've heard it all Jay. What's going on? JAY Nothing! I've just been wanting some alone time is all. AUSTIN 3 weeks of it? JAY Yes. I just needed a break from like, everything. AUSTIN Well then let's talk about it. JAY stands silently for a moment. She steps aside and invites AUSTIN inside. THE END.
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J.D. Santiago
Sep 05, 2020
In Your Short Plays
BETH - 25, Has seen plenty of birds. DAN - 25, Has never seen a bird in his life. LIGHTS UP. BETH and DAN enter. BETH and DAN are both dressed for brunch. They quickly walk towards center stage, where there is a sign that says "REAL BIRDS. THIS WAY." DAN(out of breath) Beth, Beth, wait up - please. BETH No, I won't! I can't just sit quietly and do nothing about your predicament. DAN It's not a predicament! Something of like 10% of Americans go through this. BETH 10% of Americans HAVEN'T SEEN A BIRD? DAN You say it like it's a bad thing. BETH How have you not seen a bird? DAN I don't know! Some people haven't had Mountain Dew Baja Blast, I just haven't seen a bird. BETH How? Pigeons are everywhere! Parks, sidewalks, airports, the god damn mall! You can't even go to a beach without a Seagull approaching you like you owe it money. DAN Beth, come on. Can we just please go back to brunch? The omelette bar closes soon and I was really looking forward to my spinach and feta omelette. BETH THAT'S A BORING COMBINATION DAN! GET MUSHROOMS AND BELL PEPPERS IN YOUR OMELETTE LIKE A GOD DAMN ADULT. BETH pauses. BETH(CONT'D) Omelettes...that's it! DAN What's it? BETH Omelettes are made with eggs. And where do eggs come from? DAN Beth, can we just please - BETH ANSWER THE QUESTION, DANIEL. DAN Beth, you're scaring me. BETH CHICKENS. THEY COME FROM CHICKENS WHICH IS A TYPE OF FLIGHTLESS BIRD. DO YOU KNOW WHAT OTHER TYPES OF BIRDS ARE FLIGHTLESS? OSTRICHES! AND GUESS WHO GREW UP ON AN OSTRICH FARM? YOU DID! YOU DID, DAN! I DID IT! YOU HAVE SEEN A BIRD. YOU'VE SEEN THE BIGGEST BIRD IN THE WORLD - ASIDE FROM THE ONE ON SESAME STREET. BUT YOU'VE STILL SEEN IT! BEAT. DAN begins to laugh. BETH What? Why are you laughing? DAN Don't you see, Beth? I never grew up on an Ostrich farm. You did. BETH What? DAN Think about it, Beth. Do you remember anything before we got to this sign that says REAL BIRDS? BETH We... we were at brunch? DAN You only think we were at brunch because I told you that we should go back there. The truth of the matter is that you've never been to brunch. You've never had mimosas and burgers with an egg on it. In fact, you've never left the Ostrich farm. Think about it, Beth. Different shades of red and purple lights begin to flicker. Music from Wizard of Oz comes on, the same soundtrack that played during the twister scene right before Dorothy transports to The Land of OZ. Different farm noises and bird noises play behind it. DAN runs off stage in the confusion. BETH is standing by herself next to the sign that used to say, "REAL BIRDS. THIS WAY." which now says, "OSTRICH FARM". BETH No. I left this place! I got out! I was the one that made it out of this hell hole! Music down. Lights down. The raptor sound from Jurassic Park plays. Lights up. BETH is standing center stage and towering behind her is an Ostrich. Horrified that she is now alone and sensing that someone or something is behind her, she hesitantly turns around. BETH screams! Blackout.
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J.D. Santiago
Aug 27, 2020
In Your Short Plays
THE MONOPOLY MAN - Mr.Money bags himself. Lights up. The stage is dark, all lights except for one are off. It's a bright spot light shining down on The Monopoly Man who is standing center stage. With his head down and bags of money in one hand, he takes a deep breath. TMM Life. It's a funny game we all play. You're born, you go to school, you get a job and then you die. Fingers begin to snap from off stage, jazz music and fog enter. TMM One day your rich, and the next your heading straight to jail. Dancers all dressed as The Monopoly Man enter from both wings. The form a Les Mis triangle behind him. The dancers begin to whisper. DANCERS I want to be the race car, I want to be the race car, I want to be the race car. TMM ENOUGH! Beat. TMM (CONT'D) In a world full of race cars, dare to be the thimble. The dancers, slowly leave the stage and the fog rolls out with them. Jazz music stops abruptly. The Monopoly Man looks directly into the spotlight, as he sheds a single tear. TMM BOARDWALK! Blackout.
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J.D. Santiago
Aug 27, 2020
In Your Short Plays
AUSTIN - 22 JEFF BEZOS - you know the type. EXT. THE AMAZON HQ - DAY AUSTIN reaches the front doors of the AMAZON headquarters with a small brown package in hand. He sizes up the building and scoffs. AUSTIN JEFF! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! AUSTIN kicks a small pebble in front of him. AUSTIN JEFF! COME ON OUT! JEFF BEZOS appears from a window on the third floor. His head, poking out and the sun reflecting on his head. JEFF BEZOS YES? AUSTIN I HAVE THIS! AUSTIN holds the small package above his head. AUSTIN FOR YOU! JEFF BEZOS I DON'T WANT IT! AMAZON IS SUPPOSED TO DELIVER EVERYTHING, NOT HAVE THINGS DELIVERED TO THEM! JEFF BEZOS retreats into the window and doesn't come back out AUSTIN Oh no you don't you sick son of a bitch. AUSTIN takes the small package and tears it open. Revealing a grappling hook. He proceeds to twirl and throw the hook onto the window that JEFF BEZOS was just in. He successfully grabs the ledge and begins to scale the building and climbs inside the open window. We see a scared JEFF BEZOS cowering in the corner. JEFF BEZOS WHO ARE YOU?! AUSTIN Just an ex-employee, who has come for his back pay. Or should I say, PAY BACK! AUSTIN reaches for his back pocket. AUSTIN Jeffery Epstein Bezos. AUSTIN hands JEFF BEZOS a subpoena. AUSTIN You're due in court October 3rd for being greedy as fuck with that 200 billion. THE END.
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J.D. Santiago
Aug 18, 2020
In Your Short Plays
SAMANTHA - 27, a young professional but watches too many movies. ALLIE - 26, college grad who is looking to settle down. INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT. SAMANTHA and ALLIE are laying on their old hand me down couch. They are laying down with their heads on opposite sides of the couch and their legs tangled in the middle. The throw blanket they share is being taken over by ALLIE and SAMANTHA gets the good pillow. The t.v. is on low volume, they watch a movie they've seen before - a favorite of their but they know it well enough that audio is not really required. ALLIE You know, the director of the movie encouraged everyone to live in France 1 month before filming this? SAMANTHA Yeah, I think you mentioned something like that before. BEAT as they watch the movie. ALLIE And that this scene was actually an accident and that the camera wasn't even supposed to be rolling, but the director liked it so much that he kept it? SAMANTHA Yeah. ALLIE Oh- BEAT. ALLIE(CONT'D) And that the only person who actually made a profit on set was - SAMANTHA ALLIE The key grip. The key grip. SAMANTHA You may have mentioned it once before. ALLIE. Sorry. SAMANTHA It's okay. An uncomfortable pause. ALLIE Do I annoy you? SAMANTHA Excuse me? ALLIE It's just that I've noticed that you've been kind of distant lately and sometimes you seem uninterested in the things I say. ALLIE sits up. ALLIE (CONT'D) So if I did something wrong or if I hurt you in some way just let me know. Because if I did, I promise that it was not intentional. SAMANTHA removes herself from the couch and begins to walk towards the kitchen. ALLIE Sam? SAMANTHA(from the kitchen) You know, it's not something that you've done. ALLIE Then what is it? SAMANTHA makes her way back from the kitchen and sits back down on the couch. She is now holding a small black box. SAMANTHA It's something that you have't done. ALLIE(nervous/excited) Samantha Jane, you better explain that fucking box. SAMANTHA(happily) You haven't proposed yet. SAMANTHA opens the small black box to reveal a small diamond ring. ALLIE Are you shittin' me right now? SAMANTHA Allie, I've been looking for the right time to ask you and this felt right. It also felt right at the Applebee's but I refused to let that shit go viral. I can already see the Facebook clickbait title, "TWO QUEER HERO'S FIND LOVE IN A APPLEBEE'S IN MICHIGAN. FREE LAVA CAKE FOR LIFE." ALLIE If it got us free lava cake, you should have done it. SAMANTHA My point is that it has always felt like the right time to ask you to be my partner. So, will you marry me? ALLIE(happily) Yes. But you have to ask me again at Applebee's. SAMANTHA Deal. THE END
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J.D. Santiago
Aug 14, 2020
In Your Short Plays
RODRIGO - 30, the older brother but a little immature. AJ- 25, the younger brother acts his age. More in touch with reality. LIGHTS UP. INT. KITCHEN - DAY RODRIGO sits alone at a small circular table wearing a bright blue bath robe. He is eating his favorite cereal Cocoa Dino Bites. In between each bite he quotes old SNL sketches that he has burned into his memory. RODRIGO My name is Matt Foley RODRIGO bites into a spoonful of cereal. RODRIGO(muffled) VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER! ENTER AJ shuffling through mail. RODRIGO Good morning, handsome! AJ Good morning! RODRIGO Have you had breakfast yet? I have Cocoa Dino Bites, they're the only cereal to come in a bag instead of box. AJ How Canadian of them. RODRIGO Right? AJ I'm good, I ate before I came over. RODRIGO Is that my mail? AJ Yeah, I grabbed it for you on my way in. RODRIGO Did I win any free cruises? AJ No. RODRIGO Any free cologne samples? AJ Nuh-uh. RODRIGO Subpoenas? AJ Oh my god, no. Why? Are you expecting one? RODRIGO No, it's just nice to feel wanted. AJ No, but you do have a letter from your old college. RODRIGO You can just throw that away. AJ Are you sure? It say's URGENT. DON'T THROW AWAY. RODRIGO Yeah, it's just a scare tactic. They don't really mean it. AJ flips over the letter and on the back is bright read lettering that says, "WE REALLY MEAN IT" RODRIGO Okay that's new. AJ You should probably read this. RODRIGO I already know what it is, just throw it away dude. AJ opens the letter RODRIGO Hey you can't do that! You can't open people's mail without a warrant or a cop with you. AJ continues to open the letter. AJ That's only half true. RODRIGO sighs. AJ(CONT'D) "Dear Mr. Suarez, this is your final notice to resume making payments on your account or else we will have to move forward with legal action." Are you not paying off your student loans? RODRIGO I am paying of my loans. AJ Are you sure? Because it say's here that you aren't! RODRIGO It's not like that. Can you just calm down and sit and have a bowl of cereal with me? You're making me anxious, just sit. AJ Rodrigo, this is serious! You need to pay these back. RODRIGO And I am! Just not on the days they want me to. AJ That's not how this works. Do you know what will happen if you start paying this back? RODRIGO Yes. I am well aware. AJ They're going to take everything you own. Everything. RODRIGO I'd like to see them try and take this robe. Look, why are you even getting all upset about this? It's not your problem. AJ You're right it's not. But if you keep ignoring this and acting like a child - RODRIGO A child? Because I enjoy surrounding myself with things that make me feel good and that makes me childish? AJ You can still keep yourself surrounded by things that you love. Watch your favorite shows, eat your cereal, but don't let that come in the way of your well being. RODRIGO As long as i'm happy then what does that matter? AJ Happiness is not an excuse to be irresponsible. Own up to your actions and deal with the stress. AJ sits down next to RODRIGO. AJ(CONT'D) I just want the best for you. RODRIGO and AJ share a moment of silence. RODRIGO Okay. Let's get this mess sorted out. RODRIGO gestures to the letter from his old college. AJ Do you have any cereal left? RODRIGO holds up a bag of cereal that says FAMILY SIZE on it. The two brothers carry on in conversation as the lights begin to fade out to black. THE END.
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J.D. Santiago
Aug 13, 2020
In Your Short Plays
BEN - 24, a student who is trying to be mo re financially self sufficient. BEN'S MOM ATM MACHINE EXT. A SIDEWALK - DAY BEN walks with purpose down a busy sidewalk. He receives a phone call, he removes his phone from his pocket and checks it. It's BEN'S MOM calling. BEN Again? BEN ignores the call shoves the phone into his back pocket. He continues to walk down the sidewalk until he gets to the end of the street and he turns the corner down an empty street. He continues until he comes across an old ATM machine. The machine looks like it could have been a prototype to what modern ATM machines are today. The body is dirty and the numbers have been used so much that you can hardly see them on the keypad. The screen is dimly lit and feels as if the machine is using all of it's energy to keep it on. ATM MACHINE Please insert card. BEN inserts his card and the machine beeps at him. ATM MACHINE Card Declined. BEN Seriously? ATM MACHINE PLEASE INSERT CARD. BEN continues to insert his card and the machine continues to yell at him. Finally the machine accepts BEN'S card chimes like he had just unlocked a treasure chest in an old video game. BEN Thank, God. BEN'S MOM calls his phone again. BEN ignores the call. ATM MACHINE Check Your Balance? BEN Yes. ATM MACHINE $2.38 BEN Great. Just, great. ATM Please Remove Card. Please Remove Card. Please Remove Card. BEN Alright, alright. I hear you. BEN'S MOM calls again. BEN answers. BEN (on the phone and annoyed) Hi, mom. Yes I got your other calls. Well - I was busy so I didn't get a chance to- no. Yes. Okay yes, dad has already told me you wanted me to submit my application into your office. Yes. I know it's a good paying job. My degree isn't going to be wasted if I don't- fine. And I thank you and dad every day for it. No I don't need any money. Or food. I'm good, I promise. Okay, I have to go, I have to go. Bye. Yep, love you too. BEN hangs up his phone and lets out a frustrated grunt and rubs his temples. BEN closes his eyes tightly and then opens them. He sees that the ATM MACHINE now has a digital smiley face on it. ATM MACHINE Why didn't you ask her for money? BEN Because I don't need it. ATM MACHINE I just saw your account balance. BEN Yeah well I have more saved up at my house so I'll be fine. ATM MACHINE Oh, great. A piggy bank. I'm sure that will do you well when you retire. BEN At least it's my money. No one else can claim it. ATM MACHINE Except the Government. What does it matter who it belongs to? If someone is offering help, why not just take it? BEN It just does. ATM MACHINE So you're willing to live an uncomfortable life just because you refuse to take a few dollars from friends and family? BEN It's more than that. ATM MACHINE But you could just accept the help. BEN And then what? Be stuck with the burden of paying them back? I'm tired of feeling in debt to people's "kindness". No one want's to help, they want you to owe them. Quid pro quo, tit for tat, you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. You add money into the mix and you have a tab you can't pay. BEN'S MOM calls again. THE END.
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J.D. Santiago

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