(Lights up on a woman, MARTA, deep in the woods, sitting under a tree. She is dirty and disheveled looking like she has been there for days.)
(TRISA pops out from a bush. She has tactical gear on.)
TRISA
Over here guys, I’ve found her! She’s over here. Marta. Are you okay?! We’ve been looking for you for days.
MARTA
Trisa…is that you?
TRISA
What are you doing out here?
MARTA
All questions will be answered in time.
(ROBERT and KEITH enter, he has one of those tin-foil-looking blankets they give to people who finish marathons. He puts it around MARTA.)
ROBERT
Here. Oof. We’ve gotta get you a bath.
MARTA
Thank you.
ROBERT
And Mentos.
KEITH
Marta. Babe. I’ve been worried sick.
(KEITH embraces MARTA.)
MARTA
All questions will be answered in time.
KEITH
What? No, answer them now. Why are you out here? Why did you just up and leave a couple days ago?!
(MARTA stands up.)
MARTA
You’re mad? YOU’RE mad?!
TRISA
Take it easy, Mart. Whatever is going on, you can tell us. We’re happy you’re safe but you just up and left during the middle of Game Night. Then you what? Walked to the woods, left your phone in your car? Like this is crazy.
MARTA
You all think I’m crazy?
ROBERT
I’ve tossed that word around in my noggin a couple times. I’m not gonna lie.
KEITH
This isn’t like you.
MARTA
I’m not me anymore.
TRISA
Clearly. The Marta I know wouldn’t do something bat shit cray like this. We thought you were doing a bit walking away, then you never came back inside.
MARTA
Let me ask this. Why did I walk away? What pushed me over the edge?
KEITH
I dunno. Do you guys know?
TRISA
No.
ROBERT
Nah, man.
KEITH
Well…?
MARTA
Think. THINK about it.
KEITH
We were um…?
TRISA
We were all playing Catchphrase!
MARTA
Warmer.
ROBERT
And…you and Keith lost.
(ROBERT & TRISA high five)
MARTA
Warmer.
KEITH
And then…
(Beat.)
MARTA
Say it.
(Everyone gets tense.)
MARTA
SAY IT. THEN WHAT HAPPENED?!
TRISA
Then you got Old Yeller and Old Faithful confused.
MARTA
BINGO. Then I got Old Yeller and Old Faithful confused causing Keith and I to lose. I was trying to get Keith to guess Old Yeller when I described it as “that fountain in that one state I’ve never been to that squirts up really high.” Then the buzzer went off and I said, “You idiot, It’s Old Yeller.” And then you all laughed and laughed and laughed. You know what happens when people laugh at other’s mistakes? It creates the Joker-
ROBERT
Great flick.
TRISA
Not now Robert.
MARTA
You three driving me into insanity hearing your HA Ha’s echoing in my mind until the sound of cicadas drowned them out. Then I stayed here. Burrowed into this tree like it was my new condo. I’ve made friends with my new neighbors, the spiders; they do not laugh at me. They do not taunt me for not knowing geography.
KEITH
Babe, it’s time to come home. This is ridiculous.
MARTA
I’ll come home on one condition.
(MARTA pulls out CATCHPHRASE.)
MARTA
We rematch.
ROBERT
Aw, fuck yeah.
TRISA
Fine, if it’ll get you to come home.
KEITH
Couple v Couple?
MARTA
That’s the only way.
ROBERT
Category?
TRISA
Variety.
MARTA
AND GO.
(BEEPS from the game sounds)
MARTA
The movie with the dude that is Green!
KEITH
Green Lantern!
MARTA
NO!
(The sounds STOP. The game dies.)
MARTA
NO. No. This can’t be happening. Do any of you have double A batteries?! KEITH, I will dump your ass if you don’t have double A batteries in your fuckin’ pocket. You usually keep stupid trail mix in your pocket. Please have batteries.
(MARTA falls to her knees. She weeps.)
ROBERT
This is an epic.
(TRISA embraces MARTA and helps her up.)
TRISA
Why don’t we walk back to my place, huh, and we can clean you up, make some hot cocoa, put on some deodorant-
KEITH
The kind with aluminum because that other shit doesn’t work…
MARTA
No. Leave me. Leave me, get the double A’s, leave the hygiene products and meet me back here. Home field advantage.
KEITH
I’ll stay. You two go. But be quick.
ROBERT
You sure?
KEITH
Team 2 sticks together, through the thin and through the…thicket.
(They all SALUTE each other. TRISA and ROBERT walk away.)
MARTA
Let me introduce you to the spiders.
END OF PLAY.